Envy Adams and the Quest for Meaning
by SteveElOtaku
Summary: Post-Scott Pilgrim and the Unfinished Business, Envy Adams feels her life has lost meaning.  She's depressed, but what can she do?  And how can Comeau help her?  One shot.


Envy Adams and the Quest for Meaning

_Author's note: This fanfic takes place after__ my other fanfic, S_cott Pilgrim and the Unfinished Business.

Envy Adams (Age: 25, Rating: Uncertain) laid back in her hotel room. The shooting on the drama she'd been filming had wrapped.

_And good riddance_, she couldn't help but think. _Terrible, even for one of Gideon's bad jokes._

The last few days had been a whirlwind. She'd just gone to satisfy a craving at No-Account Video only to get dragged into Scott Pilgrim's precious little life again.

_Damn it,_ thought Envy. _Can't I go two paces without running into Scott? _

_Admit it, Envy. _said a small voice in her head. _You never really got over him. Oh sure, deny it all you like, little miss badass with your vegan rockstars and your music producers and your 50 million dollar outfits. You still want Scott, and you want to be Natalie V. Adams all over again. _

Envy sighed. She hated that stupid voice in her head, nagging her about everything she did. She wasn't sure whether it was her conscience or her hormones, but whatever it was it was snarkier than Kim Pine on a bad day. And worst of all, it was usually right.

"Ugh. Why do I have to get involved with him? I thought we had closure back in volume 6!' she whined.

The voice in her head whispered:_ Ah, but that was closure for _him_, not you. You don't hate him anymore, but you blew it early on, girl. I mean, he practically would go catatonic if you looked in his direction. So what did you do? You tried to kill him and his girlfriend. And you thought you'd be better off with Todd. Too bad you'd didn't put two and two together and figure out your boyfriend was getting busy with your drummer!_

"Todd was a creep. I was a fool to ever date him." she reassured herself, brushing one of her crimson locks from her eyes.

_And you were a fool to reinvent yourself into a world-hating vamp with a taste for the bad guys. For those keeping score at home, that's two strikes: Todd and Gideon. Care to make a third strike and go for the out? Oh wait, you're already out. Scott. He struck you out before volume 1, baby._

"We had a fight. One that he started granted. But still, Scott really wasn't that bad. Kind of a dick, yes. But I've not been an angel myself.'

_No kidding. You ordered Todd to kill Scott, and your drummer to hit Scott's ex. I mean, acting all high and mighty is one thing, but assassination and punching harmless fangirls? Wow, by that point you've really sunk to a new low._ _Wallace was right, you are a colossal—_

"Shut up!" Envy screamed at herself. She felt the beginnings of tears. Tears of guilt. After all, she had a lot to feel guilty about, and not just about that cheesecake she had last night.

She got up, and slid into a chair.

"I need a freakin' drink."

Later…

Envy had strolled into a bar, and gotten slightly drunk. She'd struck up a conversation with Julie, who'd introduced her to Comeau. Comeau being Comeau, already knew Envy.

"So, Envy, what brings you here?' asked Comeau.

"I-I just n-needed s-some help. Th-that's all."

Comeau looked at her sadly.

"Envy, come out to the patio for a minute."

They walked outside while Julie continued to drink at the bar.

"Envy, I can tell you need my help. You've been going through some hard stuff lately."

"How do you know?"

"I know everyone, remember? But I can tell you have problems. You haven't seen the Toronto Sun's new article on you, have you?"

"No."

Comeau reached inside his jacket, and pull out the tabloid. There, on the front page was the headline: BLACK WIDOW BRIDE: COULD ENVY BE THE DEATH OF YOU?

"Want to read it?"

"Not like my day can get any worse."

The article proved to be worse than she imagined. It made her out to be a femme fatale with a taste for luring in the wealthy and the powerful and doing away with them with her "hired hitman", some "nobody" named _Scott Pilgrim_. It pegged her as having "seduced" Gideon (_I didn't do it, he wanted me to perform!_ _Of course I'm getting the blame, nothing could ever dent his PR. _she thought). She was also blamed for the breakup of The Clash at Demonhead, calling her "the hipster Yoko Ono" and a "21st-century Bathory." Eventually, Envy couldn't take it anymore. She tore the paper in half and broke down crying.

Comeau tossed her a pack of tissues.

"Envy, admit it. You're in over your head."

Envy finally stopped sobbing long enough to say:

"Alright! I admit it. But what can I do? Everyone hates me, except my fans. And Scott…damn it! I thought I'd resolved the issue!"

Comeau just shook his head.

"Envy…no, Natalie. You've lost all meaning in your life. The moment you stopped being WHO YOU ARE, and started playing Envy 24-7, you lost yourself. Stop pretending to be something you're not. For heaven's sake, you look like Madonna in _Dick Tracy_. Oh, and the whole Scott thing? Let me show you something. Look over there."

Comeau gestured to the far end of the patio, with a table in the corner. Scott Pilgrim, Ramona Flowers, Kim Pine and Simon Lee were all seated at the table.

"You came to show me Scott happy again? Thanks a lot, Comeau!"

"No, no, no, Natalie, look closer. Look at who's sitting with Scott."

Envy couldn't believe her eyes. It was Simon Lee, that guy who attacked Scott that one time in the video store.

"Wait, Simon? What's he doing there?"

"They're good friends now. Shows what happens when you can get over yourself. Scott got over his jerkiness and Simon over his hatred for Scott and obsession with Kim. See, your problem, Natalie, is that you are self-absorbed, self-pitying, and utterly unable to move on with you life. And no amount of fame and fortune can change that. And that's precisely _why_ Gideon could manipulate you so easily."

"So, what do you recommend, Comeau? Maybe I should just disappear."

Comeau smiled.

"No. That won't solve anything. You have to put things right, Nat. And that's the way it is. You can't keep running. Look at Ramona; she kept running, and look where it got her. Impaled through the heart, both literally and figuratively, by Gideon. Besides, the only way to atone for your misdeeds and find some meaning in your life is to confront your past."

"Where to begin? I've done so much."

"Well, you already made up with Scott. But didn't you have Lynette punch the highlights out of Knives Chau's hair?"

"Knives? That girl who was dating Neil?"

"Yeah. She's at university now, but I'm sure you can find her. And Nat…do something really nice for her. Don't be so stilted like you were with Scott."

"How do you know that? Were you even in the room?"

"I have a ring from the future, it tells me things I don't hear personally. It really helps me know everyone."

"Ok. So I'll go drive there. And I…I'll apologize."

So Anyway…

She'd finally found Knives' university. As she walked up to Knives' dorm, she steeled herself. Then she rang the doorbell.

Out popped Knives Chau (18 years old, Rating: Hyper).

"Hello…Envy?"

"Yeah, short notice. Can we sit down?"

"Uh, sure. Tamara won't be back for a while."

"Listen…Knives? I just wanted to say…I'm sorry for all of volume 3. I'm sorry about Lynette, I'm sorry about Todd, I'm sorry about _me._ And I don't know if it's any consolation, but here's some things I wanted you to have."

Envy reached into her bag and pulled out an autographed CD, an old cap of hers, and Scott's sweater.

"I used to wear the cap when I was younger. It won't fit me now, but it'll fit you just fine. And that sweater used to be Scott's. I know you're friends. And Knives, if there's anything else I could do…"

"Well, there is one thing..."

But Knives never got to finish.

Because Lynette teleported into the room.

"Envy! I'm back…and you're going to pay for ripping my arm off!"

Indeed, Lynette (Age: Unknown, Rating: Creepy) had returned, with a new arm, this time, almost as big as her, with a large claw at the end.

"You were cheating behind my back with Todd!"

"Enough. Die."

The claw clamped around Envy's neck.

_Oh crap, _thought Envy. _It can't end like this…_

Then there was a loud "thunk!" followed by several more.

The claw released, and Lynette toppled to the ground, stuck full of knives.

Knives leaned against the wall behind her fallen adversary, clutching her namesake weapons in her hands.

"That's for my highlights, jerk!"

Suddenly, Lynette's body started smoking. Her head exploded off her body, revealing circuitry and wires.

Envy looked surprised.

"She was a robot all this time?"

Knives picked up Lynette's head and looked at the chip inside the neck.

"Made by GGG Heavy Industries in association with…"

"Gideon!" shrieked Envy.

"Hang on, the rest is in Japanese, my dad taught me how to read it, let me see… in association with…the Katayanagi Twins."

"So Gideon built Lynette as a sleeper agent in the band? That explains why he was in such a hurry to hire me. He programmed her to break up the band and used Todd as a pawn, knowing that Scott would defeat him. That's why he hired the Katayanagi twins to build the robot. Wow. So, what was that favour?"

"Never mind." said Knives, smiling. "I got it. This head's going on my wall. Thanks for everything, Envy!"

Later…

Envy left, feeling warm inside. _It felt good to do something nice for a change, _she thought. Back in Toronto, she met up with Comeau.

"So, how'd it go?" he asked.

"Better than I could have hoped for. I even got to deal with that backstabbing drummer of mine."

"And?"

"It feels good to be good."

Later…

Envy laid back on the bed in her hotel, feeling great. She closed her eyes and thought about the day's events.

_I know I've got a lot to learn. But today I really made a step in the right direction. And hey, if Scott could win Ramona's heart, I can be myself again._

_Now, if I could only get over Scott Pilgrim._

END.


End file.
